.hypoChondria.

-//_- so sick



HaAHaaayy..nandito na naMan ang mga araw na ito- kung saAn walA na namang laman ang akiNg mga buLsa..ang aking mga buLsang butas na butAs na..waLa na ngaNg chaRger sa MP ksi sira, waLa pang pera...haAAaayyy..

NakaKalungkot ang buhAy..plaGi na LaNg ganito..sa minalAs-malas ko nga naMan ngayon..nasira rin paTi headset q sa phonE kaya hindi ko mapapakinggaN ang mga bagOng kanta ngayOn ni DJ cAthy sa ROCK SHOw tuwing alAs 4 ng hapOn sa GREYhoundz 101..(FU,bayaran n'yo ang promo ko..hehe..)ang lungkot2..nakakabagot..dagdagan mo pah ng lagnat na hindi mo maintindihan..oo,siguradong hindi mo maiintindihan dahil ko rin maintindihan kung bakit pabalik-balik na lang ang lagnat kong 'to..



Sabi ni kalAnsay na may-ari ng blogsite na 'aLipin ng kahiraPan' o nakikilala ng marami bilaNg 'mavs', mayrOOn daw akong 'hypochondria'..(tama ba ang speLLIng, kalanSay?)ito raw ay isang feELing na feeLing mo masama ang fEELing mo,pero feeLing mo lang 'y0n..kya ang dapat monG gawin ay huwag i-feel na feeL mong magkakasakit kah para hindi mo m-feeL na may bad feeLing kah...pero,nararamdamn ko ng buong puso at buong katawan na this time, pabalik-balik taLaga ang magaling na lagnat na'to at pinanahihirapan n'ya ako..sabayan pa ng ubo'ng parang sirang plakang paulit-ulit,ang sakit sa lalamunan..dios ko..kung hindi lang ako mabait, iisipin ko talagang pinarurusahan na ako ng diyos..(sorry poh LOrd,hindi ko na aawayin si kalaNsay,pwamiz!)..hahaaay..ang lungkot ng buhay..ang ginaw ng opiz..ang boring ng layp..awww?..


May lagnat lang talaga siguro ako..hahaaaay..


//_-- so sick..

saGot ky kaLansaY!//_^..

(bow)
PRESENTINGGGGGGGGggggg..

anG aWard na pnaghiraPan qNg nakawin!ashishI..

CUTE BLOGGER's AWARD

Eto daw ang rules:

1. Each blogger must post these rules.
2. Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
3. Bloggers that are tagged, need to write ten facts about themselves. You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names.


1. adik!(sa kapE,tsokolAte,ulan at musikA)//_^
2. "friend" twag q sa naNay q ksi best of friends kmi..xmpRe,s0 gOssip girL!(nanay din xa ng lahat ng pWendz q)..
3. poWer ranGer aq..(kSaMa ang may-ari ng The Die-ary,thE lost girL in spAce at ni ExtaOrdinary noRieL..spIder mamAw na man ang Alipin ng Kahirapan..aWwtz..peAce)
4. ayAw na dw mg-sOftdrinks perO inom ng inOm pa rin (eh sa masarap eh..asHishi..)
5. miyembro ng Kapisanan ng mga Mass Communicators sa Daro..(MassCommunicatorsSociety btaw)hehe..
6. palAging lost especiallY when my music's on(presIdent ng Lost SouL's Incorporated -LSI-p-recruit na keU//_^)
7. recentLy, naa-adik sa EscapetheFate,emo band at Faber Drive na pop-puNksters..pati na rin sa FM sTatic at sa kanilang 'MOment of TrutH'..(chEdeeeng!nOSebLeeds..hehe..)
8.tamAd akOng mag-bLog..cHuri..minsan pinipiliT pa ni kUya j. (i-mi-nakE over na at lahAt2 ang headeR,2Log p rin ang bLogger..awwtz..pcnxa na pOh, anghEL lng)..
9. i'm dyinG to buy a new 'VANS','yung skatEr shoEs na pink at bLack sa poRtaL..huhu..('penGe ng peRa pOh)..:'(
10. TAMAD.ashisHi.. peRo nagsusumikaP..(cHedeeng!)

//_^

PS:to ALIPIN ng KAHIRAPAN!
-kalAnsay, masyado mo akong pinahrapan sa pgkuha ng awArd ko..saNa'y pna-LBC mo na LaNg..asHishi..gayUnpaman, saLAmat ng maraMi at maLIgayang kaaRawaN sa kapitbahAy ninyO!..

//_^..

(BOW)..

and now, i'm passIng this tag to:

baBy ren,gian,kUya junrELL,arYan ross,ttA cathy,babY paUL,friend caroline,prIncess jatminE,dOra,dAdudz norieL..tEncHu!..

mY secrET angeL..-o-

(bow)

gone were the days when we wake up early in the morning and sip coffee outside the TN office. gone were the days when we giggle because of crushes passing by the Balay sa Alumni. gone were the days when she used to drag me from the university gate to Jollibee-northrOad just so she could sEE her crush. well, she always hardly recover when we see that guy and it will always come to a point where i get bruises because of her dragging and she goes wild..hehe.. (serious!sweAr!)sorry na gUd riz..tnuoD bya..sa una ba..hehe..

anYway, i miss this dear friend of mine. she used to be my confidant,my close friend, my sister. when she was still with us, days are always 'funny' and memorable. i wouldn't forget how she turns a dull moment into something worth remembering. Riza is now in Cebu and i miss her a lot,alah na q k-baTch sa mga writers eh.huhu..



when i cry, she cries. when i laugh, she does the same. when we see 'them' pass by, we giggle and share small funny talks. i miss doing these things with her- the coffee outside the pub office , the long walks from school to downtown, the french fries in Jollibee-northroad every end of the month,the "Mr. pYLon" fever, the "boomtaratTarat" she usually does with jOeL, the emote moments with her and kuya junreLL (of course, the original ogre and dwarves from the FeatuRes depaRtment..missinG it a lot :( ), the "video here,video there" with kuya junreLL's phone, the pictorials we do in satUrdays (with our nails re-painted, oh dba?dba?so gossip girl)..hahaaaYy..there are a lot i miss about her,about this friend of mine who will always be my secret angel.

mizz you riZA LaL..//_!..

(bow)

aNg bLog na nanatiLi ng 100 yeArs sa foLder q..//_^

Windows Media Player
-babaeng apathetic

(bOW)

(“Stars are blind” ng lola niyong si Paris Hilton)…

Fine. Lagi siyang tama. Lahat na lang hindi ko kayang ipagtanggol ‘pag nagtatalo kami lalong-lalo na pagdating sa absolute truth, sa pederalismo ni Pimentel, sa teorya ng conspiracy sa lunar landing, sa kryptonite at kaugnayan nito kay Superman, at siyempre, sa pangalawang pagkakataon.

Genius nga, pero hindi niya inaamin. Ingenious lang daw ang lalaki, walang utak gaya ng dakilang si Einstein pero marunong maghanap ng solusyon sa lahat ng bagay. Ba’t naman kasi ipinanganak siyang romantiko, matalino at pilosopo. Paano niya kaya nalaman na tipo ko ‘yung mga istrangherong gano’n? Paano niya kaya nalaman na ikamamatay ko ang mga kantang binabanggit niyang ipapa-patent para sa ‘kin?

Natatakot lang ako, tsong. Kumusta na man ‘yon kung hindi naman pala talaga siya at akala ko lang? Pero, paano naman ‘yon kung siya naman pala talaga at hindi ko lang maamin sa buwisit na sarili kong ito? Ba’t kasi ngayon pa kung kailan ipinagkalandakan ko na sa buong mundo na mananatili akong nag-iisa sa ngayon? Bakit ngayon pa kung kailan nagsasanay akong maging apathetic? Buhay nga naman oh…mapagbiro madalas.

Ewan ko pero tanda ko pa na magkaklase kami noon. Oo, sa isang asignaturang hindi ko masyadong gusto pero nagustuhan dahil sa guro at sa mga kaklase kong hindi ko pinagsawaang tingnan at ngitian araw- araw. Siyempre, marunong pa akong ngumiti noong nasa ikalawang antas pa lamang ako sa kolehiyo. Hindi pa naman ako masyadong emo noon eh. Ganu’n, wala lang, magkaklase lang kami, nagkasama sa pangkat na palaging nakikitalo sa argumento ng aming mga kaklase. Wala lang, magkasama sa pangkat na kinabibilangan ng itinuturing nilang matitinong estudyante sa literatura (kahit kailan naman ay hindi ‘yon naging totoo, pwamis!). Wala namang nangyari nang naging magkaklase kami, simple lang ang lahat.

Pero, bakit iba na ngayon? Wala naman akong ginawa, sa pagkakaalam ko. Siguro, ‘yun ‘yong dahilan dahil wala akong ginawa, wala akong ginawa para pigilan ang pagtibok ng sensitibo niyang puso. Oo, napakasensitibo na sa bawat malungkot na istorya ng buhay sa show ni Willie, pumapatak ang mga luha niyang minsan ay hindi mo malaman kung saan galing, kasi ‘di mo aakalaing marunong palang umiyak ang isang tulad niya. Sa likod ng matabang pangangatawan at kung minsa’y nakakairitang halakhak na galing sa maingay niyang bunganga, ‘di mo masasabing apektado siya sa bawat kwento ng buhay. Ang henyo nga naman, ngayon, napatunayan ko nang weirdo talaga.

Hindi ko na alam ang susunod, tsong. Kalaban ko kasi sa pagkalitong ito ang sarili ko. Minsan sa buhay ko, may nangakong iibigin ako habang buhay. Naniwala naman ang lokang ‘to. Siyempre, ikaw ba naman ang iyakan sa harap ng mismong barkada mo, ‘di ka maniniwala? Manhid ka na siguro sa lahat ng emosyon kung ganito ka, o hindi naman kaya’y ‘ni minsan, ‘di ka umibig.

Alam ko naman kung paano tumibok ang puso kaya nagpakalunod ako sa pakiramdam na ‘yon. At nalunod nga ako, hindi na nga ako nakahinga pagkatapos n’un, eh.

Ikaw kaya ang dalhin sa kalagitnaan ng 10-feet pool at iwan bigla? Alam niya na hindi mo kayang tumayo sa gitna ng pool na ‘yun nang mag-isa at alam mo rin sa sarili mo na hindi ka marunong lumangoy. Ano pa nga bang maaasahan mo? Siyempre, kamatayan. Kamatayan ng lahat ng ‘yong mga binuong pangarap n’ung nasa gilid ka lang ng pool na ‘yon, kamatayan ng lahat ng mga taong binibigyan ka ng halaga, kamatayan ng masayahin at buhay mong sarili.

Mabuti na lang nu’ng nalulunod na ako, may nakita akong liwanag. Naaalala niyo ‘ung isang scene sa TRIP? Y’ung scene kung saan na-aksidente si Jericho Rosales? May nakita siyang liwanag habang papalubog sa baha ang kotse niya. Utos ng direktor, sundan niya ‘yong liwanag at ginawa niya. Utos sa akin ng DIREKTOR, sundan ko ‘yong liwanag at ginawa ko.

At nabuhay na naman ang apatetikang ‘to. Hindi pa pala ako pwedeng malunod, hindi ko pa nakukuha ang transcript ko sa opisina ni Cadapan at ‘di ko pa nasusunog ang opisina ng dean ng AS. Isa pa, ‘di pa kami nagkikita uli ng lalaking nagdala sa ‘kin sa kalagitnaan ng pool. Kaya, ‘di pa ko pwedeng mag- out of this world.

Pero, problema na naman. Para kasing papalapit na naman ako sa pool na ‘yun. Hindi pala, hindi lang yata pool, parang pacific ocean na yata. Lagot, tsong. Takot pa naman ako sa dagat, tsk…tsk…tsk… Kasi naman eh…

Bakit ngayon pa kung kailan ayoko munang mag-cruise? Nakakalungkot naman. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Nalilito ako.

Sabi niya, kaya niyang maghintay, hindi nga lang hanggang habang buhay. Eh, paano naman ako? Hindi ko nga alam kung kailan ako mag-dedesisyon. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano talagang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

Gusto ko ‘yong taong ‘yon. Pero, magkaiba naman ang gusto at pag-ibig, di ba?

Ba’t ngayon parang hindi ko yata mapuna kung ano ang pagkakaiba ng dalawa? Kasalanan siguro ng kantang “Officially Missing You” ni Tamia na siyang tugtog ngayon sa windows media player.

PS:
expirEd na ni nga istOry so, d na bLa mangutAna..asHishi..(pausOng tawA)..

(BOW)..

am i?iam..

Am I still not over you? Over us?

I should and I know that. But, why can’t I completely let you go?

This is so stupid of me- to still give you that piece after everything you’ve done. I hate you, you should know that and you should never forget that. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. And I should hate you for all these. You broke every word you said and I used to believe that I’m done with my pains with you. I used to think that with this new love, I would never stare back at you again.

I shouldn’t be staring back, even though I can see that you’re sad and you need a hand. No. I shouldn’t, I couldn’t. You have been hurting me since the day you left and slapped my face with the hurt of your betrayal. You chose her over me and I don’t mean to be hurt so bad. You tore every piece of my being and I can’t forget it. I’ve forgiven you, but the way you lied to me? I could never forget.

I used to think I’m ready to face you after all, but, I guess the scar hasn’t completely healed. When I tried to touch it once, it bled again, a little. Healing takes time and in my case, I guess, it would take years.

I found him now and you ought to know. He takes good care of me, much better than the way you did before. He loves me the tenderest way he can. He gives me songs I can cry and smile with him whenever we plug our earphones on. He loves me, much more than you loved me.

But you also need to know; I still smile and cry when I remember you. I loved you once, I do not want to love you again.

I am over us.

Am I?

naaDik na pUd..//_-

aGuhuuy..naA na pUd..naA na juD pud..whitE ink na pUd..k-one miLLion times na..//_-..

aHa kah?..gbuLong q nimO..

tongue tied by faber drive//_-

//_-
Bright cold silver moon
Tonight alone in my room
You were here just yesterday
Slight turn of a head
Eyes fell when you said
I guess i need my life to change
Seems like something’s just not the same
What could I say

CHORUS:
I need a little more luck then a little bit
Cuz everytime i get stuck the words won’t fit
And everytime that i try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help then a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one’s heard yet
Cuz everytime I try to get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

VERSE:
I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
Was it something i said
Or something i never did
Or was i always in the way
Can someone tell me what to say
To just make you stay

----------

naiiyAk ako sa kantang 'to..ewan q bah..masyado lang yata akong tama sa whiTe ink ngaYon at masyadong naaapektohan ng mga pweNdz kong naa-addict na sa bLogsites nila(kaya heto, nagbo-bLog na rin aq kunwari kahit waLA namang kwenta ang lamn ng mga naisusuLat at napa-tagaLOg bigLa ksi nagtataGaLog siLang lahAt eh)..haaaYyy..


medyO natutuYO na namAN ang dati ko nang tUyOng uta..awwTz..uTak nga baH?//_-

friEnds pa rin ha?

ayOKong mag-eMOte dahiL hindi aq eMOtera..awwwTz..

sabi ni kUya, baka bumaLik ka na raw this week.totoo bah?totoo nga bang uuwi ka na? well, if that's true, i'm gLAd you'll be back.//_^..

the truth is, i'm happy finding out that you'll be home days from now, 'di ko nga lang talaga alam kung kailan- ayaw naman kasi sabihin ni kuya kung kailan ka talaga uuwi eh. nwei, mabuti na rin 'yon nang medjo m-surpresa naman kami 'pag dumating ka na dala2 ang mga pasalubong namin (asHishi..ang kaPaL!)..kumusta ka na nga ba?mdJo matagaL na ksi kitang 'di talaga nakumusta eh. gustuhin ko mang malaman lahat ng "bago" sa buhay mo ngayon (gaya ng dati), parang 'di ko na kayang gawin. why?it's because i don't want to hear your mga pag-i-emotes sa life. hindi sa wala na akong pakialam sa'yo, it's because alam kong malulungkot lang ako 'pag sinabi mong hindi ka masaya (alam mo na kung ano'Ng ibig kong sabihin)..haAaay..aLAm mo?gusto ko namn talaga na bumalik tayo sa dati eh- 'yung tipong hingahan kita ng mga hinanakit ko sa buhay, lalong-laLo na sa waLAng kwenta qng laBLayp noon..'yung mga lakad natin na kasama sina kuya, hindi nahihiya sa isa't-isa- alam kong medyo may mga pagbabago na magaganap 'pag muli tayong nagkita. pero, huwag kang mag-alala, n-miss kita kaya hindi ako mahihiyang yakapin ka 'pag nagkita tayo (pakapalan na ng jamoks toh!pcnxa na)..

may isaNg hiLing lang sana akO sa'yo- 'yun ay, 'pag nagkita na tayo, sana gaya pa rin ng dati. sana friends pa rin tayo to the highest level, gaya NOON.//_-

ang POST na walAng kwenta at 'di dpAt basahin

heLLO..(bow)

pAcenxa na poh at waLAng kalaman-laman ang bLOgsite na ito..Grade TWO pa poh aq at hindi pa marunoNg magsuLat ng mga bagay na may kabuluhan..//_^pcenxa2..

ipagpatawad ninyo pero hindi ko talaga alam kung anO ang isusulat dito.hayaan ninyo't sa susunod ay pag-iisipan ko na at paghahandaan ang isusulat dito.sa ngayon, walang lamAn ang akiNG utak kundi kApe at REd Jumpsuit Apparatus..//_^

alam ko pong walang kwenta ang post na ito kayA taTApusin ko na.//_^

whEn you cry..

Now playing...
"When it rains"
by Paramore

It's because your tear is my happiness.

HEy, I'm sorry to be so selfish, i just love it when you cry. It's because you make me feel cold and it makes me see the beauty around me. When you cry, i realize how wonderful the world should have been if only my siblings know how to take good care of her. When you sob, i could feel that somebody's heart is breaking and that someone has packed his bag and left. When he's holding my hand and you start to cry, those days are the most beautiful days of my life. I know you think i'm so mean, but i'm happy when you cry. i really am...

//_^..

faberdrive/silverstein//_-

When I’m With You
By Faber Drive

Saw you walk into the room
Thought I'd try to talk to you
Babe am I ever glad you wanted me too
It's been two years to the day
Half the time I've been away
I know I'm not there enough but that's gonna change
Cause I'm coming back
To show you that I'm keep the promise I made
When I'm with you I'll make every second count
Cause I miss you
Whenever you're not around
When I kiss you
I still get butterflies years from now
I'll make every second count when I'm with you
Yeah we've had our ups and down
But we've always worked them out
Babe am I ever glad we've got this far now
Still I'm lying here tonight
Wishing I was by your side
Cause when I'm not there enough
Nothing feels right
So I'm coming back to show you that
I'll love you the rest of my life
When I'm with you
I'll make every second count
Cause I miss you
When ever you're not around
When I kiss you I still get butterflies years from now
I'll make every second count
When I'm with you
Whatever it takes I'm not gonna break the promise I made
When I'm with you
I'll make every second count
Cause I miss you


My Heroine by Silverstein
The drugs begin to peak
A smile of joy arrives in me
But sedation changes to panic and nausea
And breath starts to shorten
And heartbeats pound softer
You won't try to save me!
You just want to hurt me and leave me desperate!
You taught my heart, a sense I never knew I had.
I can't forget, the times that I was
Lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine!
You won't leave me alone!
Chisel my heart out of stone, I give in everytime.
You taught my heart, a sense I never knew I had
I can't forget, the times that I was
Lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
I bet you laugh, at the thought of me thinking for myself. (myself)
I bet you believe, that I'm better off with you than someone else.
Your face arrives again, all hope I had becomes surreal.
But under your covers more torture than pleasure
And just past your lips there's more anger than laughter
Not now or forever will I ever change you
I know that to go on, I'll break you, my habit!

You taught my heart, a sense I never knew I had.
I can't forget, the times when I was
Lost and depressed form the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine!
I will save myself!

Wait not.

It has been years and counting.

Yes. It has been two years now since the two University of the Philippines (UP) students have allegedly been held captive and tortured by soldiers from the 24th Infantry Batallion of the Philippine Army. It is two months now since UP-Baguio graduate and founding member of the Cordillera People’s Alliance (CPA), James Balao has been missing with his black jacket and yellow traveling bag. It is almost a month now since the former editor-in-chief of Velez College’s student publication and vice president for Visayas of the College Editors Guild of the Philippines (CEGP), Rachelle Mae Palang has been found dead in an encounter between the army and the New People’s Army in Dauin.

One of these days, we would not be surprised if another activist or another “suspected enemy of the state” is shot dead or held captive for violations and never to be seen again. There are no exemptions, whether you are rich or poor, famous or not. This is not to say that everyone who goes against the government or its laws is killed right away. This is to say that these extrajudicial killings and forced disappearances impose injustice in this country and oppress human rights, which, is not fair. Abductions and killings have been the trend─ one rally in the street and the next day, you’re covered with newspaper sheets, blood has came out either from your head or from your chest.

The Philippines has been to ups and downs, in economy, in peace and order and in almost all the aspects of its existence as a democratic country. Democracy has taught people to be vigilant and vocal, as well. But, is living under a democratic system of government enough to let these killings pass? Enough to let these cases of enforced disappearances represent injustice in the society? Is being vocal with an opinion about one thing or another justifiable of the death that the lawless people sentence to one?

NO.

The killings must be stopped, the abducted must be returned. Those detained with no reasonable cause must be heard and released; those who were forced to disappear must be found unharmed.

It is one’s right to express his point of view on something. He is free to do what he wants for as long as he is not stepping badly on other people’s toes. It is one’s right to go against something if he thinks it is wrong and it is his prerogative to explain the things he say or do. It is a good thing if self-expression is not a right because in one way or another, our people would not march on the streets to look for their missing loved ones and beg for justice from the highest courts. If it is not, then “they” have all the reasons to shut “them” up. But, self- expression is a right; therefore, no one is allowed to oppress someone because he said something against you and your awful doings.

Like Karen Empeño and Sherlyn Cadapan who were both UP student activists before they were kept, many other individuals are still found missing because of abductions, detentions and extrajudicial killings. Forced disappearances seem to be the most popular way of physical and emotional torture nowadays. James Balao who is an active political advocate for the ancestral domains in Cordillera was also abducted. Many are already on the list and only a few were given justice.

You have the right to be vocal but you must also remember that we only have the right to be vocal if we say what is honest and true. Hence, we should act towards giving justice to the oppressed by starting with ourselves. If you have something good and true to say, then say it and don’t be afraid. We should be vigilant about these injustices for we never know who’s next.

Wait not for another Karen or Sherlyn, wait not for another James.